Not a WIDTH or HEIGHT in sight.

Note the obligatory gross font colour, which is almost impossible to read until the background has loaded, and the monumentally inept title graphic which positively SCREAMS--"Look at me! I've got Photoshop, and I haven't the faintest idea how to use it!!! (That's because it's a pirated version, and I don't have the documentation). Conclusive studies have shown that you are NOT supposed to be able to read this. Ditto and DOUBLE for the background, which, if you're curious, can be made with little to no effort using Greg's Factory Output's sine blob filters.... Icky.

Now, since we're ending the section, here we go with the big, slow-loading, completely unnecessary horizontal linebar.

Isn't this annoying?

Still, you'll note, not a width nor a height tag to be seen. Now, it's time for the standard disclaimer. (Why these things exist, I don't know. The "people" who perpetuate warez seem to have an excess of testosterone, with names like DoomBringer and I@mTh3Sp@wnOfS@t@nS0B4W@re--so, you'd think they'd have the guts to say "This is illegal. We could both get busted. Who cares? Leech away!"

THE DISCLAIMER: I cant spel. Al material u fined on this web sight is probly inacurate and incomprahensalbe. aslo, xpect thypoes galoar. In addition, i am only 15 yrsold, and this sight wil reflect my maturity with realy salacious baners.

Next, we would ordinarily have another huge linebar (separate and distinct from the first, of course, so that loading is TWICE as slow.) However, I'll spare you that torture, and proceed directly to the generic awards for best bilker of hardworking computer professionals. At this point, we'll also call your attention to the text, which, as you may have noticed, is ALL centered. Enjoy your headache.

Top 9999999 Warez Sight

And now, to the part which, one presumes, the visitors to such sites all look forward to--the interminable lists of broken links! After all, the ANTICIPATION of Photoshop/Super Mario Brothers/Civilization2/CorelDraw is almost as fun as owning it, right...? Right...? Yeah, sure it is.

Awesome Nonexistent Graphics Program
Awesome Nonexistent Game
Awesome Broken Registered Version of Program X
Awesome Virus-Infected Word Processor

You may have noted that all of the above link to Geocities. This is because, although visits to Geocities can be rather painful, there is NOTHING more painful than our old friend 404.

Now, the part we've all been dreading--were this a REAL warez site, this would have appeared at the top--the Banner We Would Scream If We Saw Our Children Anywhere Near.

Lucky we've got censors

If we're lucky, the name of the "w@r3z d00d" responsible for the page will also appear somewhere within its content. No, no, no, not his REAL name, silly! His...nickname. His...alias. His handle. When these young fellows invent their online personae, they actually follow strict guidelines--no slap-dash monikers for THEM. Here are the rules:
1. Name must include one or all of these characters: !~@3$. Other special characters are optional, but the more you use, the better.
2. Name must NOT be feminine or girlish under ANY circumstances. Pink Daisy is NOT an acceptable handle.
3. Name must have connotations of domination, fear, violence, or, preferably, all three. Some good ideas are Overlord, DeathBringer, EvilSpawn, BadBoy, and GeraldoRivera. The fact that 3,000 people are already using each of these names (with the exception of the last one) is immaterial. You are not unique.... You are part of our warez community. [Ed. Note--This is similar to the Borg Collective, but less organized.]

The page will then ramble on for a fair while, with links to other warez sites, Starting Point Hot Site gifs, various "Vote For Me"'s, and pop-up windows exonerating unprotected...hard drives. If the page loads within ten minutes on a T3 line, then it is not a good page by w@r3z d00d standards--sorry.

This fake warez site has been brought to you by SPAMMMMMMMMMM-0, your universal leader in Net annoyance.