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The Edsil Tarkingham Definition of a Gol-Dang Sheep

Disclaimer: This definition of a sheep meeeeeeeh-y apply to some of our readers. If it applies to you, then, please don't take it personally. I hate sheep, but I hate them as individuals, not as a collective mass. I neither praise or condone coital relations with sheep. Sensahuma required.

Look! I'm a sheep! This here's a sheep! Why are you looking at these? Stay off of the Sheep!

You Are A Sheep If...

1. You send excessive amounts of e-mail, chatroom messages, AOL IMs, and other forms of e-communication, to people who don't like you.

2. You think the Internet is a great place to find a mate.

3. You have a huge number of problems (with a capital P) in your life, and enjoy talking about them at excruciating length to people who don't like you.

4. You have an annoying lisp, or make a lot of typing errors and purposeful misspellings. For instance--Stick=Sticc, Mother=Muthah, Sheep=Shiip, Cool=Kewl, et cetera.

5. Your website (you always have a website) has any 2 or more of the following: Frames, Java applets, Links that Don't Work, Background Music (especially in MIDI format), Huge Animated Gifs, Pictures of You (I don't count), Blinking Text, Huge Linebar Dividers, Sad/Depressing Poetry, or Annoying Background Images (see this annoying page).

Whackin' Great Honkin' Sheep

6. You look even remotely like me.

7. You tell a lot of lies (especially over the Web) to make yourself look kewl.

8. You call programs "proggies", illegal software "warez", and your "warez" links don't even WORK...not that I've ever TRIED any of them...or anything like THAT!

9. You are "S" challenged--all your "S"s must be "Z"s.

10. You think this website is cool.

AND THE ULTIMATE WAY TO KNOW YOU'RE A SHEEP--You nodded the whole time you were reading this!


This is a picture of a sheep that has been caught on camera. If you look closely, he has a keyboard with him unable to part with it. Notice the sad and lonely look to him.

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